What might the money-bags country be looking to snap up next? Telegraph Sport takes a look at what they may, or may not, be looking at…
What do you get the petrol-blessed sovereign wealth fund which has everything? Answer: More of everything.
This has been the guiding principle of Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund and its sporting shopping spree which has so far hoovered up Newcastle United, golf and much of 2015’s most exciting footballing talent.
Today Telegraph Sport can exclusively reveal the rest of the Saudi shopping list. While it is usually considered poor practice to divulge one’s sources, in the spirit of transparency it can be revealed that this list was obtained legally, found flapping around the trolley shelter of Riyadh Waitrose. So what is coming down the line?
Harry Maguire
Fits the bill perfectly. He’s somewhat past his best and is a move that suits both selling club and player. Added to that he’s already quite unpopular so has little to lose. Just avoid any pre-season tours to Greece.
Xherdan Shaqiri
Astonishingly not already playing in Saudi Arabia. It will take some effort to free him from the notorious Chicago Fire, which has already consumed several blocks of prime lakeside real estate, the Sears Tower and Bastian Schweinsteiger.
Mario Balotelli
Will thrive in a country famous for its chilled-out attitude to renegades and unpredictable behaviour.
One wonders how Mario Balotelli’s antics would go down in Saudi Arabia Credit: AFP/Andrew Yates
Hashtag United
Seems to be the sort of thing the kids like. Got to hit that younger demo. Can probably help with the socials.
The League Cup
It’s not really being used anyway. That should pad out the football portfolio enough and help to raise Saudi Pro League average attendance to five figures. Time to diversify further.
The Italian Grand Prix
If America can have two, why not Saudi? Just remake Monza in Medina. That’s the fourth-most populous Saudi city, not the former site of a Ryder Cup miracle.
Snooker
Move over Eddie Hearn, there’s a new, actual, crown prince in town and he’s got some big ideas about how to monetise Judd Trump.
Judd Trump to be crown prince of the green baize in the Middle East? Credit: PA/John Walton
Crazy golf
After the feelgood success story of LIV (laugh, love) Golf, this is the logical next step. If an abundance of windmills and fibreglass scenery cannot convince Rory McIlroy then nothing will.
Chessboxing
Move over again, Eddie Hearn. Anthony Joshua is so last year, this combination sport (three minutes of boxing, four minutes of chess) is the future. Rishi Sunak will be livid he didn’t think of it first.
The Green Bay Packers
Do not even need a change of colour, so no need for any Newcastle away kit PR disasters.
Green Bay Packers to Saudi Arabia? Well, they wouldn’t need to change their kit’s colour scheme… Credit: AP/Matt Ludtke
The NFL
What the hell, why not buy in bulk?
NBA, MLB, NHL, MLS
American sport buy three get one free deal!
Nation of America as a whole
Let’s just cut to the chase.
Tiddlywinks
You may laugh but have you seen the polo-shirted former IT workers who contest the World Tiddlywinks Championships? In the words of Phil Mickelson, scary motherf—-s. World domination achieved.
