HAR, VAR, SUPERSTAR
The curtain has risen on a brand-new season of the Premier League, yet already it’s apparent that many things are going to pan out in exactly the same manner as before. Chelsea continue to fling their dollars around like sailors on shore leave. Liverpool are still incapable of properly replacing Graeme Souness. And yet again, for what seems like the 1,000th Old Trafford evening in a row, Harry Maguire sits brooding in the stands with a slab on. Whatever must the po’ erstwhile Manchester United captain be thinking?! Once considered part of a proud lineage that includes Bobby Charlton, Bryan Robson and Roy Keane, he’s now worryingly close to the top of a list featuring David May, Marcos Rojo and William Prunier. Oh Harry! That it’s come to this! Still!
You have to feel for the big man. On Monday against Wolves, blow after metaphorical blow rained down on his statuesque noggin. First up, the starting XI, and more proof if any were needed that Erik ten Hag doesn’t trust him as much as a man who can’t be trusted to play more than 45 minutes without picking up two needless yellow cards. Then, when the gloriously reckless Lisandro Martínez was hooked during the break, Victor Lindelof was sent on in his stead, leaving Po’ Harry alone in a dusty corner of the dugout, all ignored in the dark and covered in cobwebs. The match dramatically culminated in Lindelof impotently watching a cross sail over his head and André Onana clumsily clattering into an opponent. Those used to be Harry’s jobs! Not any more.
Reluctantly realising the jig is up, Maguire had been hoping to get regular clatter time with West Ham, and to this end a £30m deal was agreed between the two clubs. But even that plan has now gone awry, with the Hammers losing patience while waiting for Maguire to secure the £7m payoff he wants to leave Old Trafford. Add in concerns of some members of West Ham’s recruitment team that their money would be better spent on a defender who can run faster and turn more elegantly than a Ford Model T, and the deal has reportedly collapsed in the Keystone Studios style.
United, meanwhile, are extremely reluctant to cough up all that cash to get Maguire off their wage bill, even though the player received a whopping salary increase as a result of United reaching Big Cup. And who can blame them? But given that Onana wasn’t penalised for his outrageous barge on Sasa Kalajdzic on Monday night – an oversight so egregious that Howard Webb has stood down the referee and VAR team responsible and apologised to Wolves – United may have concluded that it seems they can get away with absolutely anything right now.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m so tired of crying championship tears. I don’t think people understand the energy and the passion that is behind this. It really sucks. We dreamed of a World Cup final” – the pain is real for Kosovare Asllani after a dramatic end to the Women’s World Cup semi-final in which Sweden equalised two minutes from the end of normal time only to watch Olga Carmona take a sledgehammer to their hopes a minute later as she shot Spain to a 2-1 victory and their first ever final. Ouch.
Kosovare Asllani wipes tears from her eyes. Photograph: Saeed Khan/AFP/Getty Images
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It’s David Squires on … that airborne Lord of the Rings fan, Sazball and a semi-final to savour at the Women’s World Cup.
Zing! Illustration: David Squires/The Guardian
Whenever I see a certain ex-England and Manchester United player miss an open net (reflex reactions to players’ names – FD Letters passim), I hear The Cranberries: ‘Do you have to … Do you have to … Do you have to, Jesse Lingard ’ – James Everard.
Whenever John Motson name-checked Paul Parker during England v Belgium in the 1990 World Cup, some bloke in the pub where I was watching said, ‘Yes, m’lady?’ a total of what felt like 1,057 times. I can no longer watch Thunderbirds” – Ben Carrdus.
Alderweireld’s a stage” – Gerard Flanagan.
I was surprised to read that reigning La Liga champions Barcelona were held to a draw by modest opponents on the opening weekend. I stopped short of feeling sorry for the blaugrana , however. After all, as the saying goes, when the going Getafe, Getafe get going” – Peter Oh.
Send your letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … James Everard.
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